today i was bad. i was mean. i snapped at people (i want to apologise but i don't know how). i forced diana to donate money to the er hu player. i made fun of this girl's irritating laugh. i terrorised mr psychostalker. and i watched britney spears and madonna snogging.



but it was a good day, in terms of freebies. i got this lovely iron on hogwarts patch from my lahling gf. and diana bought me a mos burger dinner. and people aren't angry that i snapped at them anymore (i hope).



everyone should watch SWAT. if not for the action that tries to cover up the weak plot, then for the soundtrack. if not for the soundtrack, then for the men with dimples (my one true weakness and fetish) and big, strong forearms.



(t)jay, where are you? it's time to say byebye.

wah denise is damn tired now. i've been working... a lot. and studying... a lot (heh, not really la). and walking... a whole damn lot. and after walking, you'd expect me to streamline a bit my blubber but nooo seems like my fat is as stubborn as pat (who i'm still actively pursuing. heh. i think now got chance a bit cos he serenaded me with the guitar the other night. my santana prince).



you all know ah.. i got this one professor, last time teach me accounting one. so he like to eat ricola. let us call him... professor khoo (eh this is his real name, ok? i'm not trying to make fun of anyone in particular). so this prof .. he ate ricola (oren flavour) and then he stood in the middle of class, lecturing. then suddenly hor, his hand go up to his face and his finger go inside his mouth to korek korek the ricola stuck at the back, in his wisdom tooth i think. then i do my eeyeer geli face and my face become more eeyeer geli when he dig out finish the ricola, then stuck on his fingernail, then he look at it for a while and then put it back in his mouth and start to chew again.



disgusting, right? i don't like people who dig their teeth ler in front of other people. somemore i see before got people smell smell before they put back in their mouth. if i want to do, i do in private, not in front of a class of students. or my friends. (hint hint)



so that is my story for today. it is entitled "one disgusting habit that make me also feel very disgusting".



ahem.



i really really like this chinese song. i have no idea who it's by, it was randomly downloaded. all i know is that it's a very sad song and every time i hear it, my skin tightens in utter revulsion because i never knew a song could affect me this way.



heh today i participated in this market research thing. and we had to watch this very funny video clip about mr bean on blind date, the show. wah and you all know that it's very easy to amuse me and i laugh at the littlest things. well, we were instructed to NOT laugh or show any emotion but i couldn't tahan, i burst out laughing in the middle because it was a very funny clip and i couldn't hold it in anymore. i hope i did not spoil the marketers' findings.



but i did get paid $11 for my marketing research participation effort. enough for one (1) ticket to watch league of extraordinary gentlemen.

party people rock da house down to da funky beat da da da pundu langgg shooby doo



4 hours on the bus back to singapore today. 4 hours on the bus to kl yesterday. and in the bus, a cockroach crawled up my window and i stifled a scream and used my fingernail to flick it to the passenger in front of me but the cockroach was annoyingly determined to annoy me and crawled back up so i changed seats.



kl was crowded. it was like a frenzied mob. i screamed but no one heard me because they were too busy snatching "up to 80% discount" goods from each other. oh who am i kidding? why would i scream when i was part of the mob?



i am extremely grateful that smelliot took the time off to come and take me for a walk around klcc. i know many of you haven't laid eyes on him in a long time so i shall do my best to describe him so you may picture him in your mind and smile at the time smelliot got drunk and started picking his nose in the middle of chulia street.



of course elliot didn't do that! if you thought he did that, then you don't know him so you shouldn't start picturing him.



anyway, elliot has retained his smouldering good looks. complete with a fit, lithe body, he is a head-turner. in fact, he looks better than ever.. he looks as if he belongs on the cover of a mills and boons romance novel - being cradled in the arms of an adonis. this bold, tempestuous beauty, with a temper to match, has grown wider. his new statistics are a breadth of 0.1mm and a width of 0.789mm.



i spent a total of three hours with him and within those three hours, i was told twenty thousand three hundred and seven times that i was an irritating creature. i am still oblivious to what i did. elliot smelliot idiot bebelliot vincent.



in all seriousness, i had *koff* fun with erriot. i must come more often to kl to terrorize him. i could tell that he was very relieved when he dropped me off at my hotel. :( and i very beh tahan that he's got better skin than me.



the next day i met may ling and her nannier khong. wah so much canoodling man. i very happy cos i am able to teached nannier how to speak penang hokkien ler! some more got some hand aksyen man! fuiyoh wahlau eh i so proud of my new pupil. eh not my eyes one pupil... my human pupil. haha i funny, no?

remember the little groove of missing skin on my right hand? the scab's falling out and i'm afriad there's going to be a permanent hole in my hand. it kind of hurts but at least i can still read, write, hop, skip and jump.

uurgh today we went to collect goodie bags from house #1 and edmund told me that i looked like a senior. i told him that it was because my cynical, jaded scowl has been etched permanently on my face. i almost fell asleep during class today. the prof was interesting enough but her lesson was so un-universitylike. she's from india. her maths is good.

what's with all these uptight singaporeans complaining about pck's sars song just because it's sung in singlish? uurgh. you people have no lives.

maybe i should just drop my negative "the whole world hates me" attitude. haha. you're joking, aren't you? only losers have that attitude. who would think that the world cares enough to muster any semblance of feelings for you? it's more like "the world doesn't care about you, it will still revolve even though you're thrown off the edge of a tower, just like what galileo did to the cannonballs, feathers and an assortment of different sized objects".



i'm not a loser. goodness me. my international smses are costing me a bomb. but keep them coming in.



i am, however, going to retain my "earl grey hates me, i shall reciprocate accordingly" attitude. what did diana say again? gaya mutu keunggulan.



too many people read too much of what i say. don't be so perasan la. i am getting sick of messages that say "omg denise. are u blogging about me? what did i do to you?" no i'm not blogging about you. i'm not going to blog about anyone else too for that matter. people like cynthia, jimmy and yao are quite perceptive and they instantly know who i'm talking about. or maybe it's because they are my bitching outlets. but if you're not sure, don't ask. and if you're pretty sure too, don't ask also la. it gets quite uncomfortable.



so anyway, i have many unhealthy habits did u know that? i like to dump my stuff around me so everything is within reach. like my cup which was full of water 2 days ago but now the water has evaporated. or my earrings so i can slip them on whenever i'm going out. and my camera so i can take pictures of beautiful singapore. sometimes i catch myself staring into space, thinking about what-ifs and has-beens.



i might not be coming back to penang in december. so come over and visit me, ok? we have a lot to catch up on. and i know my profuse apologies won't mend anything between the both of us but maybe things aren't worth mending. we're both screwed up in different ways.



in typical bimbo fashion, i'm addicted to neoprints aka sticker photos. i've got so many plastered on my notebooks. doesn't help that they're cheap to take and it's 10 minutes of cheap thrills, posing and going "kawaii!".



when was the last time your heart constricted so hard that it pulled in your ribs and you stopped breathing for a full minute? that's exactly what i'm talking about. no effect whatsoever. a small piece of skin got dug out from my hand and when i rub it, i feel a little groove where skin should be but there's no skin. i think i will have a scar. i'll show it to you next time just to hear the sympathetic cluck-clucking of your tongue. maybe i'll let you touch it and cringe a bit just to elicit more sympathy. haha. what an attention-deprived creature i am.



yao is supposed to be here. i won't stop blogging until he calls me. i haven't seen him in ages because the bugger has been too busy with his hospital work. but i understand. i also understand that he's got very prominent veins which are easy to pierce and suck blood out of. do you think that's why his head is so inflated? because his big veins run all the way up to his head, expanding it with hot blood?



i like the way singaporeans jump up and down and flail their arms about in the air. they call it dancing. i call it flailing arms wildly about while bouncing on an invisible pogo stick. i took marie to madame wong's and the shameless hussy tried to flirt with the bouncer there. and i helped break marie's personal record. personal ma personal lor. cannot ask and we won't answer.



TEO JIN YAO WHERE ARE YOU, YOU haha. i'm scared of no one. i'm defiant. i'm brave. i'm a loser.

i hate



1) you. for being tactless.
2) you. for making me feel so small and stupid.
3) you. for your emotional blackmail.
4) you. for being so selfish.
5) you. for always calling the shots and making me erase your number from my phone.
6) you. for being an inconsiderate moron. you've lost all the respect i ever had for you.
7) you. for being so out of reach.
8) everything good about you.



i'm sure you know you're in there somewhere.

i would like to thank elliot and diana for being so patient with me in the middle of the night. and thanks in advance to cynthia for scrutiny of the 8-10k crap that i've just injected into her mailbox.

guy: hello. is this your first time here?
me: no. (looks away)
guy (persistent): so where are you from?
me: china.
guy: *babblebabblemandarin*
me: actually i'm from australia (puts on best aussie accent). melbourne.
guy: how about you? (points at marie)
marie: USA (puts on american accent). illinois.
guy: so what are you doing here?
me: here? watching the two ladies (transvestites) performing.
marie: yeah, they're really good.
guy: oh. so you (looks at me) are from china but you stay in australia?
me: er.. actually i AM from australia.
guy: *babblebabblemandarin*
me: no, i'm from australia. (accent gets heavier and faker)
guy: oh. so what do you both do?
me: we work here. i'm in business. she (marie) is a journalist for new straits times.
guy: how do you like singapore?
me: it's pretty cool.
marie: how do you like singapore?
guy: i don't really like it. do you know they just legalised bar top dancing?
me: how nice.
guy: do you know this is a gay club?
me: now i do. are you gay?
guy: yes, i am.
me: do you have a boyfriend?
guy: i just broke up. but i have a lot of bisexual friends. i don't understand how they can like both men and women... -monologue on his disgruntledness with bisexuality-
me: .... that's interesting.
guy: so where are you guys going later?
me: oh.. we're new here in town so we're going to go explore a bit.
guy: ok. me too! i hope i'll see you around.
me: yeah. what's your name?
guy: marcus. what's yours?
me: alicia. so we'll be going now. byebye.
guy: bye!

our foray into a gay joint conveniently disguised as an actors' club that we stumbled upon whilst exploring singapore. no wonder the 7 eleven guys looked at us strangely when we asked about the "actors' club".

should i or shouldn't i? jimmy says no pain no gain. diana says not worth it if hot cold hot cold. i say i'll give it a shot and hope for the best.

it's not the act that scares me. it's the repercussion(s). i hate brooding. who doesn't? but doggone it, i'm going to have to find out sooner or later, right?

aargh. this is so difficult. why can't i be tasked with something less difficult.. like killing a deranged bull suffering from a rare type of std. or gunning down osama bin laden on my own, with no help whatsoever from the british/american empire?

i wish i wasn't such a scaredy cat coward. but you can't blame me. so it'll be this tuesday. if you guys see me online, means it didn't work out the way i planned and i'll be really sad so i'd advise you against talking to me.

:( i scared.

yeah check it out, i've stolen someone else's layout to replace the dowdy grey one i had before this. apparently, the dull layout my blog sported beforehand was uninspiring and made the whole blog boring. so this is for the rotten maggot infested bloody fuzzy peach who steals my clothes.

i just realised that jay chou is not a very handsome man. but i still love him.

see, i'm not superficial after all, you bastards.

reading her yellow book, with her hair falling over her face, she is patient. she doesn't look up until a stranger leans against the wall beside her. sembawang or cd rama, the throng of people pushing past them. 2 months haven't done much to either. everything is like strained peas. even the garlic pita bread which is pushed away after considering the repercussions. a light drizzle entails distraction and a caramel frappucino (with whipped cream) doesn't harm anyone. isn't it disgusting to think that when you share drinks with someone, it's almost like kissing them? a fruitless venture up the long escalators and down again. numerous trips to the toilet to make way for the caramel frappucino (with whipped cream). a little admonishment for throwing away the 1/4 full cup. we don't like burst intestines, do we? the bus ride is silent and did you know that approximately 20% of air is oxygen? what does jakarta mean again? the air con is off and being dragged outside for a red. you are like a princess, so spoilt. piss off, will you? don't pinch the delicate layer of fat that protects my digestive organs. a stroll through the haunted park and an episode with ang moh men trying to hit on ah lians. byebye. i will call you again, ok? not too soon. a forlorn wave and the kangaroo keychain hangs forgotten from the leather key holder.

why is it so easy to completely disregard someone and their emotional vulnerability? y'know just sashay past them and ignore them?

why are some people so tactless and think they can get away with saying anything and everything?

why do some people deny their homosexuality and try to convince us that they're heterosexual when it's crystal clear they're driving on both sides of the road (preferring the opposite side more)?

why are some people so god damned irritating but feared by other people just because they dare shoot off their mouth any time?

why was tonight such a weird night? why? why? why?

why do i feel as if i've taken a step backward instead of forward?

why is jay chou's new album so cheap here (S$19) compared to malaysia (*directs smug grin at mayling*)? why did i buy it when there are only eleven songs for me to relish? and two people in queue to borrow it when i'm done?

why does uni have to start so soon?

why is it that when you haven't seen someone in a long time, you manage to nudge that person out of your mind but the minute you see him/her again, you can't stop thinking about him/her?

why am i not a good conversationalist? everything seemed to end tonight when i saw the flash of silver.

why won't cyn's mum let her get a pussycat?

why do i have to interview so many stupid people tomorrow trying to get a job that i'm trying to wriggle out of?

why am i getting so sick and tired of my english work in school? why am i starting to resent certain people?

why can't i finish reading roald dahl omnibus in a day? i'm reading one story a night.

why did a mosquito have to dehydrate my veins four times tonight?

why did my calender fall? is it a sign that the world is ending?

no lah, not arrowing anybody with my stewpid questions.

matter of fact, i am. but it's no one you guys know (i know yao a bit terasa). it's a bitchy colleague.

yao, today i got stopped by both HSBC and CITIBANK. try beating that, p-face.

the usual suspects is brilliant. no matter how many times you watch it, you'll always notice something new. watch it and be astounded.

serious.

i couldn't understand half of benicio del toro's dialogue.

i am contemplating buying the dvd. it is excellent.

that was the second time i've praised the movie. watch it.

AAARRGGHHH.

i despise it when you argue with someone and that someone deliberately takes a swipe below the belt to "strengthen" her argument and tarnish yours. that is a lame, cheap shot and since she directed her arguments towards people like yao, jimmy and myself (aka atheists), i was very insulted (rightly) and incensed. anyway, i hope you people will know better than to argue with jimmy and yao. i know one person who knows that and only argues against them behind their backs. heh.

speaking of which, my personal definition of a hypocrite is someone who says one thing, makes us all believe that he believes in it, and then does the complete opposite. a shallow example might be when i told everyone i would never speak to ak again, and then went out with him the next minute. that makes (made) me a hypocrite. or maybe someone who says he hates porn, but has stacks of it hidden under his bed and in his hard disk. or maybe someone who claims she hates jay chou but has all his albums (non-pirated).

anyway, please do not confuse hypocrites with liars. hypocrites are a subset of liars. thus, not all liars are hypocrites but all hypocrites are liars. hypocrites are more sneaky and crafty, though. note that a hypocrite is not someone who openly states his opinions and stands firmly beside them. these people are called lousy politicians.

why the sudden mention of hypocrites? because it saddens me to see some of my friends blatantly being more and more hypocritical when they lambast and criticise other people. this makes me doubt the sincerity and longevity of our friendship. it downright sucks but i comfort myself with the thought that these hypocrites aren't worth being friends with. *blink blink jimmy style*

i'm sure there's a hypocrite deep down in all of us, waiting to be unleashed. it's just a matter of time, subject and recipients of hypocrisy.

do i sound melancholic and angry and depressed and suicidal and stupid and immoral? hah! i know some people might be thinking that since i don't believe in g..........

............

ANYWAY there's this elderly er hu player who plays outside the rolex tower in orchard road. not only does he play the er hu, he sings along too albeit a bit out of tune. if you see him, do go up to him and show him the thumbs up or even slip him a dollar or two. you'll feel a warm glow in your heart when you see him smile happily and say "xie xie!!".

hmm when a customer asks you to read out the menu because "your lights are so dim", should we double service charge him?

people are so rude nowadays. i hate it when customers barge in and ignore your polite requests of "can i help you" and seat themselves anywhere they want. today, there was this couple, quite young, probably about 16 or 17. they pom pom up the stairs and i blocked their way and smiled sweetly and said "hi, welcome. can i help you?".

the girl ignored me and sidestepped me and made her way to the only empty table (which luckily wasn't reserved). i glared at her and blocked the boyfriend by stretching out my hands sideways to prevent him from following his skank ho.

"SIR, CAN I HELP YOU? TABLE FOR 2? YES, DO HELP YOURSELVES" while muttering penang hokkien cusses under my breath.

i banged their ice lemon teas on their table and plonked their ashtray in front of them, things i wouldn't have done if they hadn't been such cocky shitty bang bangs in the first place. the guy didn't even understand what an ashtray was until i simulated the act of smoking. haiyo.

-----------

oh ya irene ang, the woman who plays rosie, phua chu kang's wife, came to my workplace today. she looks so different without the tai tai clothes, the ah lian accent and the plastic accessories. she quite stylo milo wor... drinking red wine and eating escargot, oysters and fillet steak (medium rare). i kid you not.

last night, i dreamt i was god (yes, THE god). the devil attacked me and i was powerless to defend myself. i was very scared. because i was so scared, i went to eat tau foo fa to regain my strength. has anyone seen tales from the crypt, the movie? the one where they used jesus' blood to fend off the demons from the underworld? apparently, after eating my tau foo fa, i, as god, was able to create invisible walls to resist the devil's attacks. but my invisible walls were no match for the devil's powerful strength, and me and the devil were beating each other up when i woke up.

wah my heart was beating very fast. macam aksyen movie aje. and in my sleepy subconscious, i started doubting my godless beliefs. but then the sun came up, i regained full consciousness and dismissed my silly dream as the result of burger king onion rings.

i fell in love today. with a golden retriever puppy in a pet shop in holland village. and the pomeranian puppy. and the jack russells. waaaarrgghhhhaa. i was with gorzan-5. luckily he didn't crush the puppies with his arm not small.

hmm.

hello. my name is farrer. i am a road. many cars, buses, lorries and motorbikes zoom along me. sometimes it tickles and it takes a lot of effort to stay still.

my greatest ambition is to become an mrt railway track.

before you all read the post below and think "WAHLAU EH! DON'T PRAY PRAY WITH DENNIS TAN! NOT ONLY CAN CARRY BOOKSHELF BUT NOW CAN ALSO DO A STEPPING AEROBICS" (sorry for the ah beng inggeris but i envision my readers to be ah bengs with rebound hair and long litter fingernail and very jinjang with a yellow colour hair), please don't think until so chim la!

i want to welcome my new partner-in-crime cum photographer cum poor-impersonator-of-ron-weasley, miss cynthia goh! i extended an invitation to her to share my blog and she graciously accepted.

so don't get so hyper exciting and thought that i step step here step step there because i am allergic to steps (the same way i am allergic to lau beh english and tiger prawn).

today was the shittiest day ever. it was so shitty that i wanted to keel over and lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling and think of jay chou naked. reaaaally naked. without any clothing whatsoever. he is perfection personified.

ahem.. anyway, shitty things that happened (possibly in chronological order. i'm too tired to sort out the events):

1. i was opening wine for a customer, trying to act stylo and all, and the cork broke halfway. disaster disaster! and i had to pretend nothing happened and tell the customer his wine was too expensive for me, a lowly waitress, to open so i had to have the manager open it for him. heh. clever or not?

2. a customer asked me to poke his fries because they were cold. geezus christ. cold ma cold la. just ask me to bring them back to change, no need to have me touch them dirty, salty things.

3. got reprimanded by a customer today because i told her the mash potatoes were real potatoes. she specially called me over to examine her potatoes because they were powdered, and not real. what the hell man? "you specifically told me the potatoes were real potatoes. why did you say that when i can tell they're powdered blablabla". give me a break, you moron. what's the diff between real and powdered anyway? offers to change her "powdered" potatoes to french fries were curtly turned down. i avoided her table after that.

4. the manager was in a bad mood. 'nuff said.

5. i fake smiled too much today. my cheeks hurt.

6. people are still very rude.

7. didn't get enough tips because people notice the service charge. i wish they'd know that the service charge doesnt go to us, but instead goes into the pockets of ham sap chikopek big boss (heh i heard he keeps a big stash of condoms in his prado to use with his mistress).

8. there was a chinese opera right beside the restaurant and the actors tried to come in to use the toilet. it's quite scary to tell someone with a painted face not to come into the restaurant, but instead go to the toilet beside the market. white faces with thick eyebrows scare me.

9. somebody say i look like kang wan chern. and this somebody say kang wan chern looks like carlos valderamma. so if we were to follow the logic of penaaklukan mantik, i look like a bloody man with big hair. not good not good.

do any of you have a bad habit you so want/need to break but you can't because it's already become a habit? i do. but i'm trying. by jove, i will break it with steely determination and closure.

i need to sleep today away.

yao can be described in a short, sweet sentence. in fact, the sentence says so much about him that i might not even need to continue profiling him.

here goes.

yao is the most vulgar, sweet-talking doctor i've ever met.

from that sentence, you might be able to deduce that he's smart. hah. but what an understatement. third year medicine. straight A student. secretary of medical welfare society. that man steadfastly stands by his opinions and argues his way with reason, logic and confucious sayings. if those don't work, his fists and loud voice come into action. no matter which way, our dear friend almost always wins arguments not only because of his brains, but also because of his ability to render the other person inaudible and unconscious.

also, you might be able to infer from the above sentence that my goodest friend in singapore is able to exercise amazing control over his foul mouth so much so that in one minute, sailors will come running out of the bar and the other minute, all the sailors will be buying him drinks. that, my readers, is a rare talent that has been bestowed upon teo jin yao, son of prof teo, brother of teo, grandson of teo, fiance of kang, friend of tan and yeap.

i'm not going to profile him the way he did me. instead, i'll recall little anecdotes from college and singapore and it is hoped that you will be able to gauge his quirkiness and character from my little tales.

i first met yao in 2000, when we both attended disted-stamford college for a-levels. before that, i'd seen him around debates and i watched half a play he starred in during high school. what was the damn thing called again? la cosa nostra? i left halfway because the play stank worse than when yao farted in chern's face. yao, whatever possessed you to lend your acting abilities to that laughable play is beyond me.

college wouldn't have been the same without yao. i remember being the first person to ignite the spark of passion between him and chern. even before getting official, he and chern were already playing huggy huggy snuggle snuggle. but they both flatly denied feelings for each other until i stepped in. hah! i deserve godmothership to your children. they owe me that much for their existence.

in college, yao used to give me a lot of flak for my weight. that used to annoy the hell out of me and i remember being so pissed that i ignored him for ONE WHOLE DAY. that was pretty difficult and i think he learnt his lesson but within two hours, he was giving me shit about my weight again. that's how thick-skinned he is. i've gotten used to it though and i think that right now, he's a bit scared to say anything about my weight lest he loses a weekend lunch partner. *smirk*

you might be thinking that waah... yao is so perfect. he's so smart and he's got a girlfriend and he sounds like a buff dude with muscles and veins that stick out. he MUST be damn hot!

.......

only from the neck down. he's been playing that to his advantage, though, by donning tight, skin-revealing singlets and shorts. this ploy is to draw people from looking above his neck to below it. and it seems to be working. for both genders. *grin*

all in all, i must say that yao is one of my better friends. he always makes me laugh and underneath that bodybuilder exterior lies a soft heart. i really do appreciate his honesty, sincerety, magnanimousness and bluntness. you hardly find people like that. this brings to mind an incident when we were walking in orchard and a little boy stepped in front of us, asking for donations. my generous, kind-hearted friend pulled out his wallet and gave the boy $10. how often do you see people do things like that?

i'm glad i managed to worm my way into his life.

god bless you, yao.

:)

fe·la·fel (f-l?fl)
1. Ground spiced chickpeas shaped into balls and fried.
2. A sandwich filled with such a mixture.

ps: yao eats faster than an average, normal human being. for instance, even before i've unwrapped my burger, he'd probably have finished his and started on my fries.
pps: yao does an excellent rendition of the sheares anthem (complete with hand action and foot stomping).