i fell down in the bus today and had the pleasure of my knees being exfoliated by the grainy sandpaper-like floor of the bus.

yeah you see, i'd just gotten in the bus and swiped my ez link card. there weren't any seats in the back left so because i felt worthy of sitting down, i plonked my fat behind on the vinyl seats in the front of the bus meant for the handicapped, elderly and pregnant. i just didn't care anymore.

perhaps it was my healthy combination of anxiety, stress and exhaustion. or maybe the sadistic bus driver saw fit to brake suddenly without warning and have a little fun with his poor harrassed-looking corpse-like pimple face passenger. whatever it was, today, at approximately 1:02pm on crowded bus 105 heading to farrer road, denise tan executed a brilliant graceful movement known popularly in ballet as "one minute sitting on the slippery vinyl seat meant for the handicapped, elderly and pregnant. next minute sprawled in an awkward unladylike position on the floor, thankful that she didn't wear a skirt today".

i almost wanted to curtsy. an encore, maybe?

so there i was on the floor. actually i was on bended knees on the floor and my notes+textbook were strewn all over the bus. i picked myself and my notes+textbook up, stared (very fiercely) at the moronic shithead of the bus driver and didn't dare look at the other passengers. it was too early in the day for me to be receiving looks of sympathy or mirth.

i spent the rest of the journey peeling off the skin on my knees.

now my knees feel like a brand new snake.

vinyl is slippery.

and yes, in case you were wondering, i was sitting down when i fell down. how in the world...?

an another note, safe journey to kevin and cynthia.

and i'm really excited to receive my mysterious birthday present.

can i use it in public?

ps: does anyone want puppies?

you know how you're trying to study but you can't because you just downloaded two episodes of season 9 friends? and then instead of doing the right thing and saving your newly-downloaded friends for a day when you don't have two papers bearing down on you, you barge into your sister's room and invite... no, demand that she watches friends with you?

so the both of you watch and laugh and your sister eats your room mate's food and everything seems normal and you chuckle at phoebe's empty-headedness and joey's stupidity and ross' dorkiness and rachel cat-fighting with amy.

then later after 40 minutes of beautiful, perfect people bliss, your sis returns to her room and you're left all alone with your textbook, notes, a desklight and a sleeping room mate.

ever had days like that?

and yay to sisters.

diana, when are you gonna get a blog, you moronstupidarmpitbacksidebaboonbreathlovespraveen?

i love trudging forlornly around the house with my pyjamas and pink bandanna.

who enjoys sex more?

a man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

the man said, "men obviously enjoy sex more than women. why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"that doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?"

two papers down. a gajillion more to go.

today as i was sitting on the bus, i felt horribly depressed. stupid random thoughts about my exams were ricocheting off each other in my brain and my morale was at its lowest ebb. the fact that my headphones malfunctioned (damn you, sony) didn't help either and i was exposed to the droning cacophony of buses and random singaporean vehicles whizzing past in a blur.

with my hair whipping annoyingly about my pimply (update: two new seedlings sprouting on my forehead) face, i stared out at the concrete landscape and suddenly wanted to become a one-eyed, bald, scaly giant and trample over singapore, leaving gigantic footprints in my wake.

bang, there goes takashimaya.

boom, byebye smu.

squelch, adios esplanade.

exams.

four (infinite) pages of text with the ability to make me feel so disfigured, disjointed, disdainful i want to hurl myself down a flight of stairs ala dramatic stuntman style, without the protective padding in the right places. and then later instead of brushing the dust off, i just want to lie flat on my wretched back and stare at the ominous clouds gathering above my pitiful coconut of a head.

these clouds of mine won't collapse until my results come out. hoo boy i so love vile black mud.

and exams, too, of course.

my sigmund freud

1) jay chow is in singapore now. hah. and i don't even know what he's doing here but there were hordes of screaming fans at the airport yesterday. and i wasn't one of them.

2) they've disallowed parked cars in holland village on christmas so terrorists won't get in the way of christmas reveling. click

3) pei li is so sweet. she went down to buy dinner for me because she said i haven't been eating well. i'm now trying half-heartedly to finish my noodles in brown gravy with fish and crabsticks.

4) i just burnt my tongue.

5) gloom has pervaded our once-cheery household. debbie! come back! (with russcal)

6) kevin says i post too many pictures on my blog.

7) here is a picture for him.

my everest

never ever discuss exam answers as soon as the paper is over unless YOU WANT TO DIE a grotesque death.

i think (hope) i'll be moving soon.

quote of the day, the week, the century
"waah never see you one week already and your face so many pimples"
- mr yc phang

here i stand head in hand
turn my face to the wall
if she's gone i can't go on
feeling two-foot small

everywhere people stare
each and every day
i can see them laugh at me
and I hear them say

hey you've got to hide your love away
hey you've got to hide your love away

how could i even try
i can never win
hearing them, seeing them
in the state i'm in

how could she say to me
love will find a way
gather round all you clowns
let me hear you say

hey you've got to hide your love away
hey you've got to hide your love away
- john lennon

my winamp is in the midst of a beatles-fest. brilliant people, they are (were). and i've got a stash of beatles videos waiting for me at home, courtesy of my dad, another beatles-maniac.

when i watch mtv and an avril video comes on, i feel like choking her with her discount store neckties. punkrock my blardy arse.

but sometimes i just sit and stare.

after being cooped up in the apartment for eternity, pei li and i decided to haul our asses over to holland village. y'know to get our groove on and blend in with the bohemian reggae funk-up-my-soul chicas and chicos.

yah.

so we headed to cold storage and bought some much-needed groceries (read: oreos and cheesy cachos) and then dropped by burger king to pick up some onion rings, burgers, the works. along the way, we met a mass of nus/ntu students who were high on the exhiliration of exam-free-no-more-stress pong. all so happy and cheery you just want to swoop in on them and set their hair on fire.

no need to be so smug about it, ok?

i just popped a pimple beside my left nostril.

pop goes the pimple.

out whooshes a saturated bubble of pus and blood.

and because i didn't wash my hands before performing that sacrificial task, in whooshes a new culture of bacteria to wreak more havoc on my defenseless face.

joy!

and on the seventh day they rested on her chin, and she walked around in a floozy with a face like red, swollen sandpaper.

Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla


the above quiz is to commemorate the opening of the two towers in malaysian cinemas in less than a month's time. LESS THAN A MONTH!! with my trusty sidekick, gimli, we will battle our way through the legions of legolas/frodo bimbos to make sure we get tickets on opening day.

my revision is going well, thank you very much. and if anyone dares mutter (or type) the words "my exams are over" anywhere within my hearing/optical range, i swear i am going to roast you over a spitfire till you are black and feed you to nice mr charliechoke the chickenhead.

i just groomed myself today. plucked here and there. squeezed here and there. brushed here and there.

i feel so sparkly and new like malibu barbie.

everyone say hello and byebye to malibu barbie.

gila.

sometimes when i'm really bored, i like to do boring things.

sometimes when people DON'T ANSWER MY ICQ MESSAGES (or email) (vermin feral sewage, i hope you know who you are), i like to do boring things.

sometimes i take pictures of boring things when i've finished my dinner (5 star duck rice) and blown my brains out into tissue paper. in the name of peace.

what i do does not benefit myself, my neighbours, my enemies nor mankind. gluttony and sloth reap the most from my daily sleep-inducing activities.

even though one of my links has stopped blogging, i'm still going to leave her link up there.

why?

nice children with the blossoming bellies, come look at my wonderful scum pictures. now now don't be scared. step a little closer, i won't bite. here's a little hot chocolate for you. there there... don't gulp. sip slowly.

this is where newater comes from


look! i'm on the london eye!


the most beautiful ger in the world

clip clip clip go my toenails.

i'm listening to this asshole on the radio poopooing about how he got his gf preggers and then promptly strapped himself into a straitjacket (read: masuk mental hospital).

he's on air now and evidently has had a few drinks because the topic for the talk show is "how to put the oomph back in your relationship" but there he goes

"oi run my own business and oi've got a kid who doesn't love me. oi'm pourin' out my woes tah ya because oi'm loive on air and you have tah answer me. besides, you cost me less quid than moi psychoilogist"

bumpy lumpy jumpy kumpy plumpy tumpy humpy

bloody hell. this deejay is brilliant. he made the poor sod cry on national radio. all hail jezza!

like the new layout? yeah i like it too.

yao and i went to breeks for a buffet lunch. even though i was all geared up for "all you can eat and eat and eat" i finally gave up after my 2nd round of the main course. it was just too much. the lasagne was already occupying half of my stomach and there i was, trying pathetically to shove roast beef and lamb down my protesting eusophagus. so i finally had to admit defeat and launched a half-hearted attack on the dessert (of which i only managed a pitiful single round before the stomach threatened to implode).

oh yes, and incidentally, while we were at breeks, there was a meet-and-greet-fans session of this harmonica-playing, taiwanese chinese twat called van.

at first i thought he was vaness wu and i got quite excited because i could snap some pictures and make some easy money off e-bay.

but then later i found out it's just van. as in no -ess wu. cis berdebah. but can say he quite humsom lor.


omg!!! it's van!!!
(now with spiffy arrows for easier reference)

i wish my day had revolved around things less mundane and routine and comatose-like. hah. where's my genie when i need him. probably lazing on the beach, soaking up the sun while frazzled me is left with one week to cram 12 weeks of lectures for four modules into the miniscule organ i dare call my brain.

good luck to all of you sitting.. no, cramming for your exams. i know it may be a little late for some -sheepish grin- but better late than never, i say. blargh. aargh. maargh. aduhai.

it's funny. when i have to study, i find half a million things to putter around with before actually getting down and dirty with my books. for example, i did my one week's worth of laundry, cleaned up my hard drive, emptied the dustbin, downloaded a harry potter screensaver and went grocery shopping. oh yeah i also did some banking.

i am addicted to this. they're just grains of sugar coated with fruit-flavoured ... sugar. but they're shittily addictive and i've been crunching on them for the better part of the night.

here's another picture of an "infected" christmas tree. this one's located at the takashimaya lobby.

*i want to take you to the end of the rainbow
watch the stars crash in the sea
if i could ask god just one question
why aren't you were with me, tonight?
- obviously not written by me

projects? done.

presentations? done.

exams? bearing down with a vengeance.

i feel so christmassy every time i step into orchard road. the ornaments they hang on the sidewalk trees are really beautiful and there are lights twinkling everywhere. there's a lot to be said for the christmas trees, though. i mean yeah they're brightly lit and they're tall but i have yet to see a tree with different types of christmas ornaments and angels and stars and snowflakes and fake snow. y'know .. the ones we always see in the movies.

just went to watch harry potter chamber of secrets. the cinema was fully-packed and there was this couple making out in front of me. i'm pretty sure the little kiddies appreciated that little spot of "live action".

"mummy, where do babies come from?"

"just look over at aisle M, seats 12 and 13, dear."

before heading to town, i went back to my old workplace to collect some stuff and my boss asked me to come back to work in january. but i don't think i want to. waitressing gets a bit monotonous after a while. besides, i have 5 heavy modules next sem. must focus focus focus. i'm gunning for the summer exchange program in either Oz or NZ so i am going to work my butt off.work work work

and remember my e-mentoring thing? i didn't get it. why? i don't think the interviewer liked it when i said "pre-marital sex is acceptable as long as they know what they're doing and are protecting themselves". OKLAH OKLAH i didn't get it because i gave crap answers during the interview like "porn is acceptable as long as the individual uses it for personal, private self-gratification. everyone watches porn (interviewer looks down) and as long as they don't do harm to society, it's ok". my friend said that porn was absolutely off-limits and she got in. c'mon lah, be realistic a bit can or not? i'm sure the interviewer indulges in a little bit of porn once in a while when he's alone in front of the computer.

anyway, porn or no porn, i guess this means i get to go back to penang earlier! whoopee doo wab bah wah doo bah

my mess




christmas tree




the marche cow




harry potter makes me swoon




for kevin

and the plot thickens.

kevin looks like a somewhat slimmer version of perrymanchua who was/is going out with this girl called winnie/wendy who kevin had a huge infatuatic crush on (although i saw no reason why there should be a crush in the first place). and this winnie/wendy has a sister called annie/anne who once went into class with her zip unzipped and is/was going out with the head of the computer club, john. and this computer club had the privilege of having the membership of four lovely ladies called jovell, jia zhen, cynthia and feli, three of whom lived in the same block as me. i love ccp. and i was the first disted face that kevin met in inti and we used to go stalking/spying on winne/wendy in the bakery and the whole circle becomes a square.

i love it when we're all inter-connected in some weird misshapen way.

what's playing on winamp? bing crosby - twelve days of christmas

i contemplated watching harry potter CoS in its opening week because that'll be during my study break. but after some consideration, i decided against it. poly exams are over, o's and a's too so it'll be jam-packed with squealy teens oogling over daniel radcliffe and i don't think the general public would appreciate an additional squealy teen oogling at daniel radcliffe.

so i'll probably go watch it when my exams end, when i've read all the reviews and will probably be able to predict what happens (tom riddle is voldemort and harry has some slytherin blood, he can speaketh the parsley).

since i'm jabbering on about movies, check this movie out. it's been deemed the scariest korean movie.

ever.

i've watched the trailer. and it reeks of "been there, seen that". yes, there are elevators. yes, there are gory, black creatures emerging from a filled bathtub. yes, there is a little girl who sees things that aren't there. yes, there's the scary music that quickly crescendos when the hantu is around. and yes, you die after you receive the phone call.

but buy the pirated vcd i shall. and i shall take it upon myself to see what the big fuss is about.

there are people out there who crave attention. they have this attention-deficit problem and everyday, the need for people to pay attention to them pulsates through their veins.

so they try to grab people's attention by trying to be different in what they say, what they wear, what they do as a hobby, what they think, what they feel, what they want, what they eat.

and when they finally stir up enough interest for you to go check them out, you find out that they aren't worth checking out in the first place. the hype they pitifully managed to generate around themselves is just that.

a bloody hype.

i know some people like that.

and strangely enough, i genuinely like some of the some people i know like that.

to the point where i get sucked into their hype and they end up being interesting to me. and sometimes i feel an affinity with them.

should i even be doing half the things i'm doing now? i'm listening to beyond, eating chipsmore and milk, taking random photos and deleting them, icqing, reading through project reports and in between, smelling the cK sample cologne i got.

pei li said she heard some knocking a while back but i've reached the point where i dismiss anything "supernatural" that she hears as a figment of her overactive imagination. she sleeps with the light on nowadays (after supposedly hearing someone call her name in the middle of the night) and while i would love to save electricity, i respect her need to have the light on as a source of comfort. so i leave her be. right now, she's curled up on the bed with her chinese charm bracelet hanging loosely from her right arm, oblivious to the noise around her. i, on the other hand, am sitting cross-legged on my yellow ikea chair, listening to n'sync (the beyond song ended) and worrying about my 4 (count 'em, F O U R) presentations this week.

i can't wait to go home.

today was my last day at work.

will i miss going to work?

no.

will i miss balancing hot plates of food on my bony arms and topping up water?

absolutely not.

will i miss my hamsap chikopek of a boss?

you gotta be kidding.

will i miss my colleagues?

some.

am i satisfied with the money i made?

could've been better

or

worse.

on an ending note, many thanks go out to her. you're the best and thanks for adding colour into my woman. as a little gift (in the spirit of shinfua-ness),

the stylo milo pimp from sungai petani

wah today i came back from work (third last day) and switched on my laptop.

kevin icqs me and excitedly tells me to go check out so and so's guestbook and yaddayadda's blog and then followed by my fiance's blog then backtrack to this fella's post and that fella's comments and go see picture of this blogger with hair then no hair then big "tahi lalat". must be systematic one or else i will lose the storyline of the drama and god please forbid that.

all i can say after all the clicking and skimming through is how interesting.

-smirk-

i just had supper.

now i have a 1000-word ethics report on downsizing to complete.

on a full stomach.

it was after marketing class and mei ling and i were waiting for the lift.

who should come along but mr i-look-like-brian-from-qaf aka christian, the french dude on the exchange programme.

so we exchanged pleasantries and i was staring at him, thinking "my my what a sharp nose he has. it looks like brian's. my my what blue eyes he has. just like brian's. my my how his chin juts out. just like brian's"

and i suddenly blurted out

"do you watch qaf?"

"what?"

"qaf. you know. queer as folk?"

cha-ching. the elevator door opens and we step in. the lift is full of people.

"why do you ask me that?"

"because you look like the lead actor, brian something"

now everyone in the lift is thinking that i am starstruck by the ang moh presence.

"uh sorry. i don't. what's it called again?"

"oh 2nd floor! i get out here. bye!"

anyway, i gallantly didn't mention that brian drives on the other side of the road, if you know what i mean uh huh uh huh. but one day i shall secretly snap his photo and show you all how much he looks like brian. the resemblance is very very... resembled.

on a less homosexual note, i do deeply apologise for the state of my flooble. i expect things will return to normal soon once I TELL MUM AND DAD THAT YOU'VE BEEN GOING ONLINE WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING FOR YOUR HSC.

there.

my chair


my alarm clock


my bin


my right bedroom slipper

WOW!

yeah but byebye rhcp. no matter how much i love anthony i will never see him frolicking half-naked on stage or see flea pluck his guitar because even though i can afford the tix, no one wants to go with me.

i carefully placed my foot on the ladder rung and gingerly made my way down.

musn't fall. be careful. i must not fall.

when i reached the bottom, everything was different. i hadn't been down in a long time and didn't know what to expect. the house i once knew wasn't the house that appeared before me. paint was peeling off the mouldy wall, the floorboards were scruffed and the bedroom doors leaned awkardly off their hinges. something scuttled beneath the floorboards and i held my breath so as not to breathe in the damp, musky air.

so i did what had to be done.

i peeled off the paint and put in fresh wallpaper, making sure it was the colour you like.

i scrubbed the floors until my back ached. for a nice finish, i polished it not once. but twice. until my arms protested.

i screwed the doors back into their hinges and oiled them.

i replenished the kitchen cabinets and the fridge. i didn't have enough money but the nice ahma at the grocery store gave me credit after seeing my unruly hair.

after that, i went to the living room and played the piano, softly at first, and then loudly, but you didn't even look up from your book. i pounded it until the keys fell off and used my toes and crunched on the keys and screamed along to the cacophony i was creating.

but still, you were more absorbed in your piddling little book than me.

so i crawled back up, wrapped my arms around my legs and closed my eyes.

it was much easier being in the attic, anyway.

never again will i venture down.

russ/rust has moved to a place where there are nine-coloured rainbows and butterflies flitter about and his bum will be wiped by hand and the thought of him being molested doesn't cross anyone's mind.

so don't ask me about him.

ever again.

i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home.

today my group and i went to see our marketing professor for advice on our project. and his room is kinda small and not well-ventilated. so there we all were, cramped in his small, not well-ventilated office.

and try as hard as i might, i tried to hold it in. but i couldn't.

i farted a stinker.

and i think everyone smelt it. but i feigned innocence. and continued talking to the prof. but in the middle i shot an accusatory glance at rafidah. you know, just to skewer the blame a bit towards her.

do i feel guilty? no i don't.

MUAHAHAHAHAAHA

check out the sexiest sentence alive. go ahead. click on it. you know you want to.

rust has left us.

no, the hound is not dead. he's just moved to a ... better place.

but i don't want to talk about it.

a little birdie with breasticles told me that graceshu has met her version of my mean malay woman.

annoying, aren't they?

no, not little birdies with breasticles. but mean malay women (not entirely).

so anyway just ignore her because she has no life and that is why she is interfering with yours.

happy deepavali and one big reason why i detest living in a HDB flat is that your flats are squashed together that you can't help but hear whatever sounds emit from your neighbours.

however, when your neighbour decides to use a mic...

yes, pile your sympathy on my poor shoulders (and ears). my p ramlee wannabe neighbour is crooning joget songs along with his karoake machine. not very pleasant to hear especially when one has three projects to finish up tonight and one is already at one's wits' end trying to compile assholic project reports.

someone get this guy a dead chicken. and something to keep his mouth occupied.

oh damn damn double damn. he's got a partner now to harmonize with him. oh golly gee s o m e o n e h e l p m e.

this


is


rust

i volunteered to be this online forum moderator for this counselling website for troubled teens(kevin, i will castrate you if you so much as even chortle). in the process, i had to fill in a questionnaire, answering questions like "how do you integrate family togetherness in a teen's life" and "what is your stand on lying to protect oneself" and later, will have to go for an interview.

if i get selected, i have to stay back till dec 5th for a workshop.

so that means my journey home to my beautiful beloved polluted island will be delayed by a week.

a week! imagine how much i can eat in penang in a week. according to my shaky calculation, i'll spend only less than a month in penang before returning to this cold, calculative country where the women are hot chicas and the men are putrid chikopeks.

it's amazing how fast time flies when you're busy. it seems like yesterday i stepped into my new apartment and went to my first class of the semester and all of a sudden, project deadlines and exams loom over the horizon. uugh.

oh yeah and thanks to all of you who erm... volunteered to slap the mean malay woman for me. that incident doesn't really bug me now. in fact, i've forgotten how she and her compatriate look like but the lesson i've learnt is that i should never wear contact lenses on the bus because the unforgiving blast of the air con is conducive in drying your contacts.

what's playing on winamp? fat joe - what's love

ps: all the fighting fish are now deceased. let's hope they all went to fish heaven where there aren't any cats and irresponsible owners. *ducks*