hmm... am feeling ultra melancholic now. don't ask me why because i'm not telling. i have so much to say to someone. but maybe i'll never say what i want to say because i've become too ballooned up with pride. just when i think we're back on track and are on solid ground, a wrecking ball comes sailing clumsily through the air and everything disintegrates and we have to start again from the beginning. buddy buddy man!

i sound like i'm talking about a relationship, aren't i? but hohoho and up your arse i'm not.

work tonight was stupid. i vaguely remembered everything after a one and a half month hiatus. that didn't stop me from being scolded by a physically repulsive customer who accused me of trying to chase his ugly backside out just because i gently reminded him that the restaurant closes at 1AM and he had the nerve to order another kilkenney at 1245AM. wahlau i was so angry that i wanted to smash the ashtray onto his flat ugly head and stuff lit cigarette butts into his er... butt. stupid pangsai chua.

i don't understand half the things i do. like today. why the hell did i do that? stupid denise dupid stenise.

or maybe it's nothing lah but for want of excitement in my life, i analyse analyse and whoo that takes up half of my day.

yeah whatever.

good luck on monday!! i mean it, man. i really do. but i don't mean the other stuff i do. so don't be sore, ya? hah. perasan bitch.
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oh yeah i forgot to mention that there was this customer who looked exactly like gwen. diminutive and skinny, she seemed to be dwarfed by almost everyone in the room, me included. the next time she comes in, i have to remember to thank her for the generous five cent tip she left behind.

mei ling and i went to the esplanade library today because i heard on the radio that some dude was going to be there, singing broadway hits from musicals like phantom of the opera, miss saigon, les miserables, etc. we got there just in time to hear him start off "love changes everything", one of my faves. his choice of songs was excellent, ranging from "i've grown accustomed to her face" to "music of the night". accompanied by his sister on the piano, i say both of them did a fair job of their broadway hits rendition. the only grouse i had was with his pronunciation. c'mon la.. broadway people where got pronounce "strengthen" as "strenten"?

after his performance, we walked out to the open air area and was pleasantly surprised to see another performance about to start. this time, it was by selena tan, of "i no stupid" fame. she made her singledom pretty obvious with her selection of songs centering on single women in singapore. in between, she managed to slip in a few cheeky songs that bordered on scandalous. in one of the songs she cackled wickedly "when you go to robinsons, tangs or metro, you buy the dress first before alteration. the same thing goes for a man. marry him today and change him tomorrow". that particular feminist remark, out of the numerous she made, managed a few laughs from the typically subdued singaporean audience.

i feel so arty farty now.

oh yeah, watched bruce almighty. it's pretty slapstick but at least jim carrey's back to his basics. less physical comedy here, probably owing to his age. my favourite part is the jazz part. you have to watch that part. it's unbelievably funny.

get this.. i'm in the office. i'm supposed to be researching irregular verbs and slapping whatever info i find onto some powerpoint slides. that's what i'm supposed to do.

what i am doing now, however, is listening to the radio, random surfing, blogging, swinging my legs, going to the toilet (thrice since i came in this morning), checking my email periodically, listening to thai songs (courtesy of a colleague), and staring out of the window of my 9th floor office. beautiful view i have of the botanical gardens and the misshapen concrete seedlings. pity it's so hot. less people frolicking in the botanical gardens and for voyeuristic me to spy on.

mei ling and i have decided to visit touristy places next weekend. some suggestions that cropped up were the singapore zoological gardens, jurong bird park, haw par villa, sentosa, and the likes. i really want to go to haw par villa. it's been ages since i went there. take a boat ride through the seven gates of hell or something to that effect.

ok i am feeling a tad guilty, siphoning my school's money while not doing anything.

ps: i've already corrected my sister's link.

bowling for columbine is a two hour documentary highlighting the awry gun control situation in the amerikas. at the helm is the very infamous michael "i'm-not-afraid-to-speak-my-mind" moore, who is not someone you'd envision being able to churn out such a thought-provoking documentary, which even has real footage of the colombine high school rampage. he looks more like a couch potato in serious need of a stairmaster. wahey! he looks like your typical american.

surprisingly, the colombine high school tragedy only managed an air time of about 20 minutes, half hour at the most. the rest of the documentary is dedicated to interview snippets with thoughtless americans like dick clark (CLOSE THE DOOR), charlton heston (I AM A VERY DISRESPECTFUL BUGGER) and a few druggies (I WISH I HAD MADE IT TO #1 IN THE LIST), other lesser-known tragedies, as well as michael advocating the rights of the colombine survivors. you can tell from the documentary that this is a man who is quite ashamed of how his country's turned out.

all in all, do watch bfc if you can. you will be reeling from shock and grief, especially after seeing real life footage of the tragedies. i doubt this documentary will see the light of day in singapore, though, owing to the fact that singapore and bush are having a passionate love affair.

-------------------------------

over the weekend, certain events have transpired that have left some people in a flurry of panic. i wish i could say more but to say more would make some people panic more and we wouldn't want them to collapse now, would we? i think a mountain is being made out of a molehill. but we shall wait and see.

whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy and finally, why does tuesday have to be so far away from friday? it's hardly the middle of the week and someone's already commented that my eyes are bloodshot. not bloodshot la, maybe just a little tired.

and finally, i'd like to welcome dr teo jin yao into the fosters family. please direct all queries to him.

I CAN'T HELP PLAYING AN JING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT'S A DEFINITE SIGN OF OBSESSION.

it's a sunny saturday afternoon and i'm tired of looping jay chou. that doesn't mean i'm tired of jay chou. oh ho no way jose. i just need to listen to something else rather than mushy piano-filled chinese ballads.

how is everyone doing this sunny saturday afternoon?

do you believe in karma? that once you've bitten someone in the ass, your ass will be bitten sooner or later? it's a mangled version of one good turn deserves another.

i am bored this sunny saturday afternoon. i won't stop whining until i find something entertaining to do. i've watched the season finale of friends (aarrggh!! joey and rachel just DON'T work together. charlie's getting on my nerves), watched an episode of sex and the city, written a letter, spied on my neighbours, thrown away mouldy vitamins and arranged my underwear according to elasticity of waistband.

my lamentable mess


my lamentable jay shrine

and doggone it, if i'm going to australia, i'm going to australia whether any of you like it or not. i don't give a *insert expletive*.

i managed to get my grubby hands on this year's admissions essays for "english analysis" purposes. while flipping through, i managed to find bimbotic gems, which i promptly passed around csc. you wouldn't believe how airheaded some girls are. take this, for instance (in answer to the question "what are your strengths and weaknesses as a friend?"):

hi! my name is joanne! but my close friends call me jo. you can, too! [insert smiley face] blahblahblah well i have to say one of my weaknesses is that i like to nag people. whenever my friends are sick, i will always call them and sms them to nag them to take their medicine! [insert another smiley face but this time smiley face sports a toothy grin with little droplets of saliva spraying out from the right side of smiley's face mouth]. the best thing is, this bimbo signed off her essay with "love (she didn't write out the word "love". she drew a cheery heart), jo".

we are definitely adding that essay into our vault of "how NOT to write an essay". but we promised admins office that we'd be discreet so i think i may have to blanko out jo's name.

guess what? i went back to work at fosters for the weekend. for those of you sniggering, SHUT UP. i don't really need the money but i find that i'm quite happy when i make more money. i learnt this in econs somewhere. after earning a lot of money, money won't be as important to me as before and my utility slope will eventually decrease in gradient. guess what again? i got a c+ for my international econs. stop laughing. i thought i was going to fail. a c+ was heaven-sent.

talking about heaven, i heard that jimmy's been wallowing in evangelically loving company. i don't know how you managed to get yourself into that situation but my heart (and yao's too, i think) go out to you. *smirk*

mayling's finally found her jaychou. despite my jealousy, all i can say is, nothing beats the genuine stock straight from the shelf.

superficial is the adjective of the day!

yeah i've started work. and my boss is one hell of a chatty woman. digression is her forte. she'll skirt around an issue, run around the mulberry bush and keep you in her office for three hours to hear you talk about her thesis, her thoughts on your colleagues blahblahblah. but hey, i don't step on her toes and she won't step on mine (or she'll squash them flat).

today on the bus, i noticed a woman plucking her eyebrows. god help the next person who sat in her seat full of stray, unwanted eyebrow hair. wasn't she scared that when the bus jolted, she'd pluck out skin instead of hair? ouch.

it's getting late. i need to sleep.

and to my layman friend, please stop watching f-grade porn oozing with melted cheese. i implore you.

Pinky&TheBrain (4:36 PM) :
but I AM a layman, in most subjects anyway
the only subject where I'm not a layman is electrical engineering!
look, I may be able to yak about biology/genetics with my housemate, a bit of new medical/bio research with Yao, a touch of modern physics, a sprinkling of philosophy

but I'm essentially still a layman :)

let's all us laymen strangle this anomalous creature.

i woke up in the middle of my restless sleep last night, drenched in sweat, to find my air con off and the plug pulled out of the socket. what makes it strange is that i have no recollection of doing either.

who the hell would switch off the aircon when it's 50 sizzling degrees outside anyway?

i have a tendency to exaggerate when puzzled or mystified. am ruling out the supernatural as i will be sleeping alone for the next month and do not wish to create unnecessary anxiety on my chickenshit self.

er.. i'd like to clarify that i do not, i repeat, i do not have kutu now. i realised that my little paragraph about kutu might have misled some of you to think that these smarmy parasites are nesting on my scalp now.

i had kutu in primary two/three. that was ages ago. so please do not hesitate to rub scalps with me because i am kutu-free! *knock wood*

patrick, i'm sorry that i didn't tell you about my trip to oz. i wanted to scare you (note that i used the word "scare" and not "surprise).

unfortunately, my trip to oz is now hanging in tatters due to the unreasonable, discriminatory travel ban by the moe. (note the emphasis on "unreasonable" and "discriminatory"). it's ridiculous to expect foreign students to fork out $1000 if they want to travel overseas. it's a conspiracy, actually. they want to keep people in singapore to boost the flailing economy. because it's holidays, more people, more free time, more loitering, more unnecessary spending, more money pumped into the GDP.

YOU THINK WE DON'T KNOW HAR??

god, i hope this doesn't come out in streats.

back in singapore. walked merrily through customs with my pirated made-in-malaysia goods. passed the thermal scanner and came out yellow. yay me.

just came back from a hearty dinner with dr teo who made the obvious comment that it looked as if i'd thoroughly enjoyed penang food (no denial there). i taught him how to cough sexily (heave your shoulders with every cough) and he roughly showed me how to clean off a lamb chop.

clean until squeaky clean man. but i bet he could've done a better job if he'd used his hands, instead of being a cultured swine and using cutlery.

i think i spent too short a time in penang. i didn't even get to drink the famed indian man coconut water that i always drink. and i only had tau chui at gentings ONCE. and i didn't even get to eat my hokkien char. and it downright sucks when you've walked through the departure hall, turn around and see your parents still waiting there, waving, who'll probably won't stop waving until they can't see you anymore. that makes it all the more harder to leave.

my mother is lice-resistant. two of her children have contracted kutu (one of them being yours truly. don't want to name the other one. nanti marah) and even after her close proximity to us, she doesn't breed the damn parasites on her scalp. that's what a good mother should be. lice-resistant.

i am not. so i think i won't make a good mother.

ok, i'm going to lie on my newly-made bed and read sydney sheldon until i grow fungus on my unshaved armpits. please proceed to yao's blog if you want to read about (as promised earlier) skum, sarong-party guys (the lack of) and gun control + high school shootings in america.

as an unrelated afterthought, am meeting auntie nicole, wife of uncle KS (kiam siap), tomorrow to pass keys and bring her to apartment. must finish cleaning apartment by tonight.

whaddya know, after six days of staying away from the internet, i logged on and the first email i see is "release of examination results". the ultimate culmination of the past six days. boohoo.

met may ling yesterday at 1 utama. bitch bitch bitch (the verb, not the noun). i finally got my grubby hands on my beautiful jay chou poster (thank you so much, char boh) and then later we inadvertently took a drive around the car park, listening to wang lee hom. haha who am i kidding? it was jay chou all the way! yeah, baby, yeah!

ps: i've changed my mind. the naked platypus does look like majiK.

anyway, you aussie people better start cheering "oi oi oi" and jumping up and down maniacally because i'll be down under to grace your beautiful country at the end of june. tentative plans have been tailored to meet specific people's needs. the skeleton of my trip is:

23rd / 24th june: sydney
25th / 26th june: melbourne
30th june: back to sydney
5th july: penang

please ensure that i have fun there by bringing me to places i will like that will showcase the type of people i like to see (ie handsome men). you will be duly rewarded by me swooning very subtly and shyly. i promise no embarrassing incidents. i really do! hahahahhahahaaaaaa main purpose of trip is for collaboration with disgruntled engineer to churn out a kickass profile on a kickass doctor that will leave him weeping with joy at the wonderful friends he has.

which brings me to my uh... flattering profile on the kickass doctor's site. i'll have you know that the erm.. suitor who admiringly compared me to a kancil is now my kancil. no, wait. he's my modenas kriss motorbike. or maybe he's just plain skum that we step on and laugh at everyday. whatever it is, the lesson learnt here is that don't ever tell the kickass doctor anything that you don't want other people to hear because other people will eventually hear it (*makes mental note to add that into his profile*).

terengganu is the best state ever! *koff*

one fine autumn evening, giselle the gynaecologist and beatrice the butcher decided to go for a walk after their hearty dinner of kidney pie and english breakfast tea.

they strolled briskly through francisco the farmer's corn field and made a u-turn around the big barn which was supposedly haunted by the ghost of byron the bull.

when they reached home, giselle the gynaecologist had another helping of kidney pie (fresh air always made her hungry) and beatrice the butcher sat and watched her gobble up her pie, while sipping her seventh cup of english breakfast tea.

later, they pecked each other goodnight on the cheek and went to bed (separate beds, mind you).

"goodnight, beatrice the butcher," called out giselle the gynaecologist as she closed her bedroom door.

there was no reply.